"it" just moved
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
