every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
