How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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