Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
