So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
