I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
