get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
