we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
