I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
