This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
