I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh god the rape fog is back!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
