Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
