I should be sponsored by Trojan
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
