I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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