It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
