I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Two words: blizzard sex
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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