Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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