He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
