If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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