I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
