I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
