The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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