i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
