The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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