you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
