Already got asked if we're dating
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
