1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
