I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
