I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
