I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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