My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
