Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
