U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
