I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
