the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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