1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
