sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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