Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
