hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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