handjob tips. give me some.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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