i dont even know how to be here
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
