I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
