I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
