we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
