Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i have two assholes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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