I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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