im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
