he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
