finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Crop dusting thru forever 21
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
