i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
