Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
