I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
