Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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