I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
